Intro and scene setting were exceptional, and similes are OFF THE CHAIN.
“A bullet will bounce off its arachnofiber weave like a wren hitting a patio door, but excess perspiration wafts through it like a breeze through a freshly napalmed forest.”
“Their eyes meet and her heart starts flopping around weakly, like a bunny in a Ziploc bag.”
“by way of the Army—back in the days before it got split up into a number of competing organizations such as General Jim’s Defense System and Admiral Bob’s National Security.”
“DIAL 1-800-THE COPS”
And the bureaucratic TP memo in the middle could probably replace The Pale King.
… but I totally lost interest in the plot about half way through. The mythology stuff bored me to tears. So definitely worth a read, but don’t feel like you need to finish it.